A few days ago I had a bit of a rough day. I went through it cleaning vomit of a child, and spilled milk. In fact, four spilled milks in total at one table, all purposely. It's funny now, after the fact, but at the time I wasn't so simply amused.

Today I helped celebrate a child's birthday. I got to move the pinata around, and help cut cake. It was actually a relaxing and fun day. I've fallen in love with these kids. Each one of them has a piece and soul of the future. I suppose this experience will always be a piece of my life.

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to see the beautiful Lake Atitlan. The lake itself is stunning, with crystal clear blue water, surrounded by moutainous volcanos. The scenery was so epic, unlike anything I've ever seen before.

This whole country is like a miracle to me. and I don't think I'll ever find "home" quite like this ever again..

Tears, grateful, and others not as much.

How does one classify a "life-changing experience"? Is it confined to situation, the a string of them, or simply just to how we view such things and people that come into our lives without any intent of change at all?

Since I first arrived here, the words, "life-changing experience" have been thrown around as simply as a child carrying a rag doll. The words are beat into your forehead like a hammer to iron, and robbed of their initial meaning. Of course, an experience like this will change perception, and of course, we take things for granted. I knew that coming into this the extreme economic divides, the extreme poverty and the extreme opulance would be quite deamanding and always, always obvious.

There is a school group here. They have to volunteer all day, and never get a chance to enjoy what makes this country so astoundingly beautiful. I believe the administration that brought them here is pretty inadept for the simple fact that these kids have to be here and to have their views only limited to the extreme disparity of the country's situation. It is equally as beautiful as it is tumultuous, for Guatemala is the great soul of the land, it has, encased within it's borders, a wealth and spirit that makes it very special.

My work has been getting better. I worked with a class a few days ago and they are finally beginning to retain some english- largely colors and words that are classroom and school supply related. The school has very limited resources, but the government is finally trying to shine a light upon these kids- after years of war to re-capture the light, hope, and imagination that makes being young so special, and slowly, there is change, but the beginning has been rather tough, for the teachers not to have to teach to a specific itinerary and curriculum for the first time in years. Before this, it was very rigid, Guatemalans having lost their pride in a country that betrayed them. Genocide was rampant, it was a nightmare, which for me, hearing the speech, I cannot even imagine it. Being here now for me is imperative, indeed, reconstructing something that fell apart. I am so small compared to the great weight this country is trying to diminish.

My children are wonderful, though. Many people can say they have only one or two children, well, I have two-hundred, and they all have beautiful bright eyes in which they encase a marvelous future. I am blessed to be here now.

I am living my dream. This weekend, I am going to Antigua, then Lake Atitlan, and the great market of Chichicastatenango. I am assured that if Tikal were anything precursory, than this will be a splendid break from work.

I have been in Guatemala for a week. The work I do here has proven challenging for me, in ways I never imagined. Today, I was left completely alone with a class of six year olds (thirty at least) because the teacher never showed up. I did not have a lesson plan of any kind so instead of teaching them, I had to keep them occupied. We made paper airplanes and I taught them words in english (like wing, and airport) and we threw them all over the room. Then, when they got bored of that, I marched them around the room, and taught them to run in English, to march in English, and we made faces (like sad, happy, silly) so that they could learn words in english. While they didn't retain much, they really enjoyed it. We also played music, and danced some. I know I can't be much of a kindergarten teacher, but at least I can amuse them and keep them from being obnoxious to their other school mates in other classes.

A lot of the work here has been a real challenge for me, but worth while. I mean, I don't always know what to do, but these kids always hug me and kiss me. I am usually just a teacher's aid. I give small lessons in English and I have a lot of fun doing it, but I'm glad this isn't a profession, and that I only have to do it for a few more weeks because it is very difficult. I imagine a lot of teachers don't get the respect they deserve. My god, I have a ton of it for anyone who does this everyday. The teachers never get angry at me when I make small mistakes, they are thankful just for my presence, and that means a great deal to me. I am sure I will be very sad when I leave.

I was able to see Tikal over the weekend, which has become the greatest thing I've ever done. The temples here are brilliant in construction, and the skies were open and clear beyond the jungle, and they looked like illuminant sky scrapers that went on for eons. I climbed up a few temples, which took a bit of exertion of my part, but the park is so beautiful it was worth it. I also went zip-gliding on the canopy tour, which was AMAZING.

I am assured more frequent updates are to come.

Nerves.

As I ready for my departure tomorrow at seven, I feel a certain amount of unease and worry that maybe this trip will prove too trying for me. The concept of achieving a dream is often an arduous path, but none of this could be considered any less than a blessing to me. The fact I am actually going to go, actually going to be doing this in a country I have researched for years is still a wonder to me. Many dreams remain unachieved because of fear, worry, and like attributes that make people convince themselves that they are not capable, for whatever reason, of doing what they feel is their purpose. I didn't used to realize it until recently, but I was very much one of those people, who neglected their dreams because of responsibility, and ultimately, fear of the unknown.

I have a friend who inspired me to finally go and achieve my dreams, no matter what the circumstance. If it weren't for her light and determination, I quite doubt mine would be possible. Thank you for your help, as you know this is about you, firefly.

I am steadily learning this experience will likely bring me more enlightenment than a semester in school would, so while I felt kind of strange about cutting a semester in college for this, I imagine my travels will be worth it. My last excuse for not achieving my dream became school, and now that I am not in school this semester, I am out of comfortable excuses, and that may prove to be my making or my downfall. I haven't figured out which yet. I do know this; I adore the spanish language, and I adore helping others. I just hope I can be good enough for this program, and that changing the world is not as hard to conquer as I percieve it to be.

It is getting close to my leave date for Guatemala, and while I am ecstatic about going, I feel a little nervous about the trip itself. No, let me rephrase, I am dead fucking terrified of going to a city for awhile that has three-million people when I come from a city of 5000, barely (good old Brunswick.)

Then again, that kind of statement is ironic when I've been staying in DC for a few days.

Guatemala city doesn't have the best reputation, but it is a prime example of internal cultural differences in Guatemala. I feel blessed for being given to opportunity to work with under-privelaged children, even if the city itself makes me nervous.

I was immunized on Saturday for Hepatitis A and Typhoid Fever. I also got a prescription for the oral Malaria Pill, which basically completes my medical requirements for Guatemala City. I also got a hold of some of the most potent insect repellents that are on the market. Evidently, it is some fancy brand the military uses, and I should feel fancy that I am *hopefully* going to be protected in my stay.

I've also learned of my placement in Guatemala City. I will be working at a primary (kinder) school teaching, helping, playing, and more or less wholey interacting with the children. I am fairly excited, even though I don't have experience with children beyond the occasional babysitting endeavor. I think with my silly, and almost ridiculously giggly personality it may actually be fitting, but I'm not going to fill my head with expectations just yet. I'm trying to see if I can go without expectations, and thus, be open to everything.

In a week and two days, I will officially be living in the country of my dreams, doing volunteer work for a company, of which, I am very grateful to have the opportunity to work alonsgide.

It's been a dream of mine for years to be able to lend myself to a great cause, to do something worthy with my abilities, or lack thereof, to discover, and to change the world. It seems ambitious to think in such a way, but at this point in my life I feel quite unlimited. That being the case, I intend on living this up.